The Fight Continues

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This week my tumor marker results were great.  My tumor marker dropped from last month, 54.7 my current medication is working.   A weight is lifted off my shoulders, although brief I cannot explain the relief I feel.  Despite the continuing pain, my current treatment is working.  I am fighting back against MBC, and I will not stop fighting; for a few moments I feel like I am in control.  My husband Matt is relieved, to me the best part of getting good results is seeing the look of relief on his face.  There isn’t anything worse than knowing that I cause Matt to worry, or anyone for that matter.  I feel good, minus the pain but I work through the pain; the pain is frustrating, quite frankly annoying to live with.  It is a constant reminder of MBC, whether I am running or just relaxing pain is present.  I accept the pain and adjust to it, balancing everyday life.  MBC has taught me more than I could have imagined, I’m stronger than I ever imagined, more determined to fight for my life and it has taught me the importance  of  the team of people who are fighting alongside me.  MFMS helps fuel my fight, and I am beyond grateful for the continued love and support.

Every day I am reminded that I am living with MBC, but never once have I considered anything but fighting.  At my weakest moments, and yes I do have them, I am reminded why I fight.  I continue to fight for my life, for Matt for our amazing families and friends who have stood behind me since day one.  My new normal isn’t always easy to live with, hell it never is, and daily I dream about what my life would be like without MBC.  MBC oddly enough has enriched my life, it has strengthened me, tested my will to live and tried knocking me down.  I am not naive to think at some point MBC will give me a punch I can’t handle but without a doubt I will fight back.  Month to month I have blood work and recheck my tumor marker, I relive 48 hours of not breathing, and for that time I pray for the best results, I review worst case scenarios over and over in my head. I attempt to justify why I am facing MBC.  There really is no answer.  I have been a believer of everything happens for a reason until now.  Why was my life turned upside down.  Why can’t I live the life I have dreamed.  The answer is I can, it is hard work everyday, but I can live the life I dream of, continue to reach my goals none of which is possible without the amazing team of supporters behind me.  I read blogs and endless articles about women and men of all ages diagnosed everyday fighting just like me.  I am disappointed by the lack of attention and funding MBC research receives. Stage IV truly needs more but I, like many others, will fight MBC for as long as I can and along the way make sure to educate, raise awareness of what living with MBC is like and hopefully finally get it the attention it deserves to be knocked out for good.  I dream of this becoming a lifelong manageable illness versus a terminal disease.   No matter what challenge you face in life dream big and with a lot of work and focus you really do have a chance at making that dream a reality.

Moore Fight Moore Strong!

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