Looking for a little consistency or at least a routine in my treatment schedule. The last few weeks I’ve frequented the cancer center, although the company is great, I’ve visited more than I’d like in a short time. I’ve been plagued with low counts, some new symptoms I haven’t experienced before and trying to figure out why. The frequent visits and unplanned tests to figure out what is going on add more anxiety than there already is living with MBC. This is living with MBC, fear of the unknown, a constant worry that something new is happening. Trying to stay positive and attempting to maintain my balance is not easy, and more difficult to do so when MBC continues to impose frequent reminders that yes I’m living with cancer.
Metavivor, partnered with Eisai Inc, launched a #ThisIsMBC campaign which “depicts the realities of what daily life is like living with MBC and aims to raise awareness of metastatic breast cancer & reinforce the importance of scientific/clinical research.” The idea of the campaign is to “shine a light on common misperceptions about MBC and share real patient experiences to show the world the true challenges faced by those affected by MBC.”
#ThisIsMBC, there is a constant fear that lingers, worrying about if I’m staying ahead of my cancer, is the treatment working. In the last few weeks new symptoms left me in limbo, questioning if there was progression but hoping for stability. Convincing myself that this is a fluke and nothing to worry about but in the back of my mind I’m thinking about the worst case scenario. Since being diagnosed I have learned to try and let go of worst case scenarios, and no it is not easy, to take life one day at a time, no matter what threat MBC poses. Whenever I start to steer off course, a little panic sets in, just as it did in the last few weeks when counts were too low and I couldn’t have chemo, or the new symptoms I was having created new fears and the need for a CT scan. The thoughts crossed my mind numerous times, “great this is it treatment isn’t working”, now another treatment change or even worse “the cancer has spread.” Sometimes I think if just maybe I ignore something it will go away, unfortunately just not the case. I tirelessly search the internet to find stories of hope, (and yes I’m often reminded by those closest to me not to) reassurance that I am thriving and going to live long past the statistics that constantly linger in my head. I read a recent blog by another Thriver, a reminder that I am in fact going strong, and even when faced with some challenges along the way, there is no choice not to overcome them and fight. I wanted to share something form her blog that offers inspiration and hope:
“Don’t look at statistics, don’t read negative stories. Everybody has their own race to run, and many of us live a longtime with mets.” -Ann
I am not statistics, I’m running my own marathon, and striving to live a long healthy life with MBC; at every turn I’m determined more than ever to do what it takes to keep going.
People often may not fully understand, I am living with MBC, on the outside most times I may appear vibrant, lively and healthy, which I am for the most part with the exception of down days from chemotherapy. But on the inside my body is fighting a war against itself and I’m trying to thrive. I’m fighting with every ounce of strength I have to live with MBC, so I do everything I can to stay healthy and vibrant. #ThisIsMBC, even with treatment plans cancer has spread to other parts of my body (bone and liver), daily I hope and pray that my current treatment plan is working.
I’m fueling my body to fight in hopes that I can live with MBC as a chronic illness, and hang on to hope I will live long enough to see a cure for breast cancer.
Moore Fight Moore Strong!!